Dear Reader,

For my son’s sweet sixteen, he asked for a surf trip down the coast with his friends. So, I loaded him, three of his best buddies, and four surfboards into my car. We hit five surf spots in two days. If you want to learn how to loosen up, spend twelve hours in a car with four sixteen-year-old boys.

What the trip reminded me is how good it feels when we prioritize values over control. Of all the things we get attached to—control, status, being liked, comfort—control is my particular addiction. (What’s yours?)

On the podcast this week, we dive into the psychology of experiential attachment—where it comes from, why it causes suffering, and how it leads to unwise effort. There’s no controlling four teenage boys (nor would you want to!). They showed me that what I really like is flow, creativity, spontaneity, connection, and trust. They also taught me: never trust the surf report. You’ve got to go check it out with your own eyes.

A great lesson for the mind: trust your direct experience—over and above what your thoughts, media, or society, tells you will make you happy.

This week’s episode explores why we chase things we want but don’t really like, and how to pull three big levers that help you want what you like—and like what you want.

For me, on that surf trip, letting 6am plans slide into 10am, loving this collab roadtrip playlist, seeing the virtue in 7-Eleven, and surfing into the sunset.

Hanging a little looser,

Diana

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Dr. Diana Hill Your Wise Effort Guide

Join me for lunch this Sunday at Godmothers Bookshop! We’ll dive into the Wise Effort Method—how to get curious, open up, and focus your energy wisely. Get Your Tickets + Order Your Lunch

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