Dear Reader,

I once worked with a couple (who had young kids) who asked me if they could stay in my office for the hour after our session. So…we’d meet, and then I’d leave, giving them room to be with each other, without anything really “to do."

We’re craving space more and more these days—but not just any kind of space. We need the kind of space where we’re held by another or where we hold ourselves with utmost care. Like when I tell my family, “Mom needs a little space,” and then I climb into bed with a cup of tea and read about woodsy garnishes for my bûche de noël. Or when you carve out space to think about all the people you are grateful for.​

This week on the podcast, I talk with musician, therapist, and podcaster Tom Parkes about his album Holding Space. We share how we can do this with awkward silences, new babies, old hurts, or big fears. It’s a treat to listen to his music, offering a creative space I think we could all use.

So how do we hold space for each other and ourselves when things feel uncertain, changing, or painful? Here are a few tips from the Wise Effort Method:

Get Curious

Notice your tendency to cram every bit of your mental or physical space with more stuff. Enter the space of not knowing.

• Under-book your holiday schedule. Leave more margins for discovery.
• Stop being a know-it-all. Ask more questions than you give answers.
• Follow the ways of babies, and let yourself stare a little longer at the colorful lights and loving faces.

Open Up

Make space for what is most personal and what is most painful.

• Put down your phone, uncross your arms, lean in, and show you are open with your body.
• Say yes to all feelings that come with this time of year—anxiety, wonder, grief, excitement—not just the ones you like.
• Go outside and look up at the stars. There’s a lot of space for you.

Focus Your Energy

Enter your holiday spaces wisely.

• Ask yourself, what—and who—is worth holding space for?
• Notice the choice points, pause, and turn toward your values. How do you want to be—Brave? Festive? Easygoing?
• Choose to stay a little longer, holding space for what matters, because you can.

Wishing you a spacious December,

Diana

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Dr. Diana Hill Your Psychological Flexibility Guide

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Want to Dive Into the Wise Effort Method Live With Diana While on This Retreat? Immerse yourself in the space available to you on retreat at Blue Spirit. Enjoy the warmth of the Costa Rican coastline, learn to take wise action in your life with Diana, and nurture your body with Luca. Give yourself (or someone else) the gift of the Wise Effort retreat Spots are still available, but they are going fast this holiday season.

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