Dear Reader,

​“Mom, let me show you how it’s done,” my son told me as we headed over to our soon-to-be-demolished house. My little wood therapy office, the bedrooms where I raised my kids, the home I’ve grown attached to—needed to come down due to permitting issues (no one escapes karma).

Maybe you, too, have your own demo—your job is being restructured, your finances tanking, your relationship is shifting, your health is undergoing an overhaul. And whether it’s chosen pain or not, we all have patterning—samsaras we fall into. Are you engaging in unwise efforts?

Running away?

• Avoiding what might trigger your fear?
• Isolating, withdrawing, hiding?
• Looking away, going around?
• Seeking constant reassurance?
• Numbing or distracting constantly?
• Trying not to be scared/sad/angry?

Holding too tight?

• Trying to control everything?
• Pretending you’re fine?
• Relying on rigid routines?
• Holding your breath, grip with your body?
• Chasing after things that make you feel good in the short term?
• Attaching to things staying the same?

Stuck in a story?

• I’ll never, I’ll always, I can’t, I must?
• What if something goes wrong?
• I have to control everything?
• They’re judging me?
• I shouldn’t feel this way?
• I have to get out of here or I’ll die?
• I am not the type of person who...

This is the human condition, which, in Buddhism, is called the three poisons: aversion, attachment, and delusion. When faced with things we don’t want, we often run away, hold too tight, get stuck in a story.

This is also a choice point. An opportunity to choose Wise Effort instead. Sometimes it’s helpful to remember: this is what you have been training for.

The day the demo started, I left to lead a group of 34 people on a Wise Effort Retreat in Costa Rica.

​Here is what we practiced:​

• Center yourself. No matter what is happening on the outside, you can find a place of peace, groundedness, and ease inside. Press your feet into the floor, sit at the back of your heart, shift your attention to love.
• See a choice point. Catch yourself falling into unwise effort. This is your cue to choose differently. What matters most here? What are your values? Can you turn toward your values, even if they are in the same direction as what is painful? Yes, you can.
• Find the Wise Self that is bigger than just you. When you feel tapped out, look to nature, your body, your ancestors, and your community. Wisdom is everywhere. You don’t have to hold this alone.
• If you’re hurting, remember it’s because you care. Don’t close off to the pain—because that same channel is how you stay open to what you love.

Remember, where you place your attention and genius energy matters. Sure, your home/marriage/bank account can get demoed, but nothing can ever demo your soul, your spirit, or the size of your love.

Diana

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Dr. Diana Hill Your Wise Effort Guide

For strategies to engage in Good Stress that will prepare your body to be more resilient, check out this episode with Sharon Horesh Bergquist.

For strategies on how to help your kids develop resilience, check out this episode on Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child with Ned Johnson & Dr. William Stixrud.

And, if you want to know more about how to face your fear, shame, and anger with values and compassion, don’t miss this masterclass with my dream team, Steven Hayes and Rick Hanson. Use the voucher code HILL25 for a special discount.

​Here’s a preview of what’s in store. (Rick is Mic, Steve is Bono, and me? You guessed it…Fergie!).

Don't forget, this starts tomorrow!

🌟 Join Esther on this two-day convening, where therapists and mental health professionals will explore our roles as essential guides in a rapidly shifting world.

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