Dear Reader,

When you are a therapist, the week before Thanksgiving is a big push. There’s something about gathering with people we love that can stir up all our “stuff.” Here are some typical comments from my couch this week:

I’m going to lose it if I am trapped in the kitchen with my mother-in-law/brother/the person who voted for X.

I miss my dad.

There’s no way I can wrap up work in time.

What if I start drinking again?

I’ve yet to meet someone who says the holiday season is 100% comfort and joy. It’s a mixed bag of fear, joy, grief, anger, love, overwhelm, and excitement.

What’s in your holiday mixed bag?

This week on the Wise Effort podcast, I talked with my good friend and trauma therapist, Giulia Preziuso, about what we can do when we feel overwhelmed. The Wise Effort method (Get curious, Open up, Focus your energy) can help.

Get curious about your nervous system.

Interoceptive awareness is your ability to detect your body’s signals like heartbeat, breath, and hunger. Pay attention to what is happening inside. If you’re headed toward spinning out, take a minute to center yourself before you do or say something you’ll regret.

Use distress tolerance skills:

• Head to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror and take a BIG exhale
• Run your wrists under cold water
• Do a few push-ups in the guest room
• Take a brisk walk outside
• Text a friend who's in the same boat
• Sit next to someone who puts you at ease
• ​Take 10 minutes and listen to this​

Open up to your Wise Self

Your best, wisest therapist is YOU. You can take care of your inner family system, even when your outer family system is a complete shit show. Here’s a mantra Giulia shared that I love.​

Put your hand on your heart. Say to yourself:

You’re okay.

We’re okay.

I’ve got you.

Focus your energy where it matters most.

It takes a lot of energy to fight off feelings, prove a point, or change others. And I hate to break it; if you haven’t succeeded by now, you won’t likely again this year.

Instead, focus your energy on gratitude. Shift your attention from what is lacking to what is present and good. Science shows that if you do it regularly, gratitude helps you sleep better, strengthens social bonds, and makes you more resilient to stress.

Gratitude gives you energy back.

• Savor the good things that are here. Linger a little longer on that pumpkin pie.
• Express good things when you notice them. Give the people and pets you love some appreciation.
• Amplify the good by being a positive energizer. How can you improve this moment for yourself and others?

As Giulia says, you’ve made it through 100% of your hard days. Trust that you can handle whatever shows up at your holiday table, and with Wise Effort, you can make it better.

Cheers to Wise Effort,

Diana
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Dr. Diana Hill Your Psychological Flexibility Guide

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